Breastfeeding - my story...

While I've got pregnant first time (even before that), I was decided I am gonna to breastfeed...

Franek (pictured above) - the name, was with us a way before I conceived...

I really wanted to have a baby. I was reading a lot of pregnancy press and was thinking how it will look like.

So when I finally have got pregnant I seriously started to study any stage of pregnancy, baby development and any rules: how to breastfeed, sleeping routines, bathing, weaning, potty training and so on...

I knew every stage of the labour and what's gonna to happen later on.

I knew any position to breastfeed, how to attach the baby and that I have to give a feed any time he wants to. I knew I shouldn't give a bottle and the dummy at all for the first 6 weeks. I knew even how to resolve any issues such cracked nipples or lack of milk. I knew that to produce a milk I have to breastfeed as often as possible...

I was sure everything will go well and I was reassuring myself I was prepared for anything.

I've got contractions on time. First labour - so I was ok, that it was very long - around seventeen hours...vacuum and emergency CS.

I was exhausted, in pain, but spend over 24 hours trying to feed my little boy.

But he was crying and loosing his weight in a seconds, has got dehydrated, all yellow...

Whoever could listen our cry, was coming to us and trying to latch him on...

The nurse came in in the morning, send me to take a bath and said that Franek must take formula - I said that if he must I'll agree, but I said, that I can only give him formula from a cup (this was to avoid of using a teat). We were trying with a little cup,me and my husband and we could see how Franek was happy and calm, went to a deep nap for the first time..even smiling.

So I started to improve my milk production, was drinking special tea, pumping with a breast milk pump...trying to attach him to feed, but giving the formula as well. On the next night the nightmare came back - one of the nurses (she was German) was trying to help me. She knew that I don't want to give him any milk from a bottle. I knew that is a way of giving a milk with syringe and using a little finger, that the baby can suck. This should imitate breastfeeding.

This way is not approved in the hospital, but she brought the syringe and I tried that way too.

The next day a midwife and the doctor came and they said I have flat nipples (which were horribly cracked and sore) and there is no way to breastfeed Franek...

I was destroyed and deppressed. I fell I failed on the all way - no Natural birth and no breastfeeding!

After the long 5 days we came back home. Still not sure what to do.

My best friend was trying to help me with latching on, because she was breastfeeding her daughter for over 18 months, but only she left I wasn't able to attach him myself and was giving him a bottle...

He has got reflux as well, so wasn't gaining on weight so fast as other babies..and I had to thicken his milk.

I kept trying to mix breastfeeding and bottle over 6 weeks, sometimes having a few good breastfeeds on the night when we were more relaxed..

I was such depressed and feeling guilty. 

After over good 2 years I was waiting for another little man - Janek:

I knew is going to be a problem with feeding. I bought some special nipple correction tools from Avent. This is a little thing like a nipple that was sucking my nipple and had to push it out...Its quite painful. I was using it, but it didn't give constant result. I said to myself, that I'll try. And I will attach the baby as soon and as often it possible to produce more milk and to correct nipples...

I had pregnancy difficulties, spend 3 weeks in the hospital, but gave NB! 

I was the happiest mummy on the world.Very quick (up to 4 h). It didn't go all good either. I lost too much of blood. I was so weak...

So my baby was sleeping and I did NOT woke him up to feed! So I was not getting a milk. It looked he is latching properly, but after 24h I had just a fire instead of the nipples. I was not able to cope with it..

Spend a week in the hospital, but Janek has got dehydrated too and doctor said he will took Janek to the special care unit if I wont agree to give him a bootle KNOW! Off course I did and when came back home I said to myself - I am not strong enough to fight again - and my ne baby was getting a bootle and was so quite as a newborn:-)

I have to be honest - I still feel guilty that I wasn't trying enough. But I don't think that my sons are less bonded with me because of that or are getting cold more often. Thankfully they are very healthy.

What I can do about that? I don't know.Maybe I'll get another chance and some angels will help me:-)

Thank you that you were listen my breastfeeding story. This is still sitting inside me...

Just don't forget - COMPETITION is still running and some nice prizes waiting for you...check it here:-)

Can't believe they are still waiting!